Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
