I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
