I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
