Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
