my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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