just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
