We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
