By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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