just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
