I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize