Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
