Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
