i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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