I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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