There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
