The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
operation harelip BJ is a go
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
