think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
