Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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