so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick