i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.