Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth