At least make sure they are 18
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I haven't been this sober since birth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?