Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.