So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on