My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
