dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
