my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
