She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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