you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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