and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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