Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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