I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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