the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
