Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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