wakey wakey hands off snakey
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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