How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
