what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
