your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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