I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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