If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
