I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
