yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
