Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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