if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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