glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
