i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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