M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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