For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
