There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
