If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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