holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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