And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
