dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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