I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
