I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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