I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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