What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
