dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
