Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
