you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
