dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
