Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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