Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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