im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
