I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
