and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
