Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
