i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
