u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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