I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
